Good Evening,

I didn’t want to wait to long to post this article on the backside of yesterday’s article about a Dream Team.

We are going to continue learning how to Create a Dream Team, but wanted to first discuss what to do in the relationships our last exercise uncovered about who in our lives are not aligned with our same values.  Obviously there are people we care very deeply about who share different value sets than us, and they are so intertwined in our lives, it’s not possible or desirable to lose them, replace them, or even make them wrong.

What is a value? In this discussion, we will define a value as something you believe to be true so much, your decision making and choices come from the specific beliefs you value.

We used the example of communication in our last post, let’s stay with that for this one also as it’s timely for so many of us.

So, you are working with people you feel don’t value communication in the same way you do, or so it seems from your perspective.

Here are some great tips!

1) Is your perception of them is correct?  Do you have all the details you need to truly assess their value set correctly?  Is your perception of the difference due to your own need for validation or control?

2) If in fact, you are correct in your assessment of their value set, begin by communicating your desire for consistent communication and what actions would be appropriate to show your values are being honored.  Everyone has a picture. 

3) Right or wrong, sharing your values with those around you will allow them to better honor your value set.

4) If no changes occur from honest sharing, inquire as to the reason the person is unable to honor what is important to you?  Is the action you are requesting too much for this person to do inside the life they currently have?    

5) This is probably the most important tip.  Don’t ask someone to be sensitive or understanding to your value set if you are not willing to offer that same understanding around theirs as this creates an unhealthy environment. 

I hope this helps!  Next post, back to our Dream Team and how to specifically align with those who inspire you to your GREATNESS!

The Happiness Chick 

So, Did I Hear You Correctly?
Jeffrey Kilman
http://mundaymorning.blogspot.com/

In the past three days I’ve had two clients tell me horror stories of agencies not listening to them. This really got me thinking about the art of listening. We here at mundayMorning tout that we listen, we approach every client and project with a blank sheet and that our Discovery & Analysis process sets us apart. That is great and I take great pride in touting that part of our personality but it is not the process so much as the art. The art of listening is where so many people go wrong.

Now do not get me wrong, some people just flat out suck at listening period. Three years ago, I was tasked by my wife to buy the family a mini-van. After fighting this idea and the last move to try and domesticate me forever, I finally gave in to the “request.” She knew exactly what she wanted and had done every bit of investigation and research one human can do on this topic. She was the Albert Einstein of mini-van knowledge. This was a no brainer for me. Even I could not screw this up. I walked in, sat with a New Car Sales Representative and said to the man, “Sir, this is going to be the easiest sale you will make today. I need a Honda Odyssey Touring Edition with Black exterior, Tan interior, a DVD system and Navigation.” The man listened and then said back to me, “Jeff, lets go over the features of the Odyssey and figure out what you really want.” Dude! Did you not just hear the specific list of exactly what my wife told me to come here and buy? I just handed it you on a silver platter. I simply got out of my chair and walked out.

The art of listening is more than regurgitation. It is more than trying to say, “I hear you.” It is hearing what lies beneath. Why is this client telling me this? What is the real pain point they are asking me to solve? What is their real vision they are trying to convey to me? What are they absolutely stating to me in black and white and does not need my spin on it? Deciphering all of those things sets the listeners you want to do business with apart from the ones you just want to get out of your chair and walk out.

This is such a great article!  Remember this, we will use this definition of listening in in our Series on How to Align with Powerful Partners. 

The Happiness Chick

What will you do to improve the quality of your mind?

Check this blog out by Shann Vanderleek, powerful stuff.  She quotes one of my favorite authors, Thich Nhat Hanh, who speaks about living our lives “Mindful” and “In the moment”… Enjoy!

OUT OF THE DARKNESS

True Life Balance

This is my favorite part of her post!!

Our wandering minds can visit darkness and light. Here are some examples:

Ambition

- Thinking that something outside of ourselves will make us happy.

Attachment

- Thinking we need to control or be responsible for the happiness of our family, clients, peers and friends.

Fear

- Letting our false insecurities keep us from our next daring adventure.

Spirituality

- Basking in the gratitude of what is.

Compassion

- Caring for yourself and others evidenced with loving kindness.

Reverence

- Having respect for yourself and all living things.

When you make the choice to live and love in awareness, your life will spring into full bloom bidding farewell to lost place in between Winter and Spring.

 

Good Morning!

I began to write this morning about referrals and connections.  The distinction between the two.  As I went out to the internet to do some additional research, I stumbled upon a blog.  Here is the link:  http://livewithoutconflict.com/blog/feed/

The Law of Attraction part 2:

In this blog by Rob McPhillips, he speaks about how The Secret is a bit backwards in the process of Attracting and The Laws of Attraction.  Rob goes on to explain that it is not WORLD that needs to be transformed, but US.  Rob further talks about how the World is already prepared for our “bliss”; WE have to grow into our life. 

Rob discusses how we often allow our emotions to “rule” our lives, holding us hostage in a life that is unsatisfying, keeping us from the magnificent life that is already created for us.

I believe Rob is RIGHT ON with this, although I want to caution against taking this “non-emotional” state to an extreme, as we NEED our emotions and feelings to help us be complete.

HERE IS THE TRUTH:

WE OFTEN FORGET THAT WE HAVE FREE WILL AND ARE MAKING UP THE RULES AS WE GO ALONG.      TO MAKE IT EVEN MORE INTERESTING, WE TRY TO KEEP FROM BEING ACCOUNTABLE FOR OUR CREATIONS BY JUDGING AND COMPARING OUR LIVES AND RULES FOR LIVING WITH OTHERS.   YIKES!!!  NO ONE IS IMMUNE TO THIS TYPE OF THINKING, NO MATTER HOW EVOLVED WE MAY THINK WE ARE…YIKES AGAIN!!

There is nothing wrong with feeling emotions, as that is also why we are here. 

In order for us to TRULY grow into our bliss, we must live WITHOUT JUDGMENT, we must live without USING OTHERS TO MAKE OURSELVES FEEL GOOD.   When we truly look at our frustrating situations in life, what they typically boil down to are THESE points:

1)  This person or situation is operating off of a differant set of rules and values than I am, and I’ve made them wrong for it…I am better than them

2)  It’s their fault this is happening to me, I’ve been victimized, betrayed, something has been taken from me, I am not worthy, I am lacking now…

3)  I’m trying to force someone or myself into a place that is not in alignment…..They are wrong…I am not enough…

To lift our minds into a “helicopter view” of life, which is where our greatest clarity comes from <thank  you Marion Franklin for such an awesome term>, I have found this requires the following:

1)  Full accountability for everything in my life.

2)  No one is to blame, no one is better, and no one is bad.  Our rules of life are unique for each of us.  It is necessary for balance for others to have differant rules.  I will embrace and welcome clarity, regardless of the changes I must make in my immediate plans.

3)  Happiness lives inside me and my own clarity around MY uniqueness and what I have to contribute.

4)  There is NO competition in life, there is NO either or, there is ENOUGH FOR US ALL…NO ONE CAN TAKE ANYTHING FROM ME that is in alignment with my bliss. 

5)  I will embrace the unique gifts I was born with and stop using my mind time with worries of  insufficiency.

HOW ready are you to step into YOUR bliss? 

Until next time!

Kathy
The Happiness Chick

This afternoon, I listened to a Interview of Byron Katie with David Wood and wanted to share some excitment around The Work.    I read the book, “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie and this book is all about being brutally honest with ourselves about what is really occuring in our lives.

The philosophy of The Work is to have peace of mind, we must learn to not just Accept what is, but we must LOVE WHAT IS to transform it.  You can’t transform what you hide.

Just so you know, Byron Katie, in my humble estimation, is  The Coach Supreme, of course, behind Marion Franklin, who taught me how to coach.

What Byron Katie begins with is the principle that ……sometimes we believe our thoughts instead of what is really true and correct about a situation.  In our defense as human beings, in the absence of confirmed and proven data, our thoughts serve us options.    Often, we believe our thoughts, regardless of what is really true, this alone causes a huge block to someone’s happiness. 

Here is my synopsis of the conversation:  

Byron Katie offers everyone the opportunity to “test all concepts, ideas, thoughts, and perceptions by a truthful litmus test”.  She in her own words say, “We offer a way to identify and then question what you believe to be true.  Anyone with an open mind can do this in their life and everyone NEEDS to do this in their life.  

Let’s use the example they used in the Interview of someone you feel doesn’t care about you. 

Question Number 1:  Is this true?

Question Number 2:  Can you absolutely know that this is true?

NOTE:  You are invited to answer a yes or no to the questions above.  Maybe’s and I don’t know’s will not provide the necessary clarity.

PAY ATTENTION: 

to where your mind goes when you go here.  
allow Yes or No only to be enough

Question 3:  What happens when you believe that?

INVITATION FROM BYRON KATIE:  Allow the images to come up and allow the voices and situations, the comparisons, hear your thoughts.  Do you punish that person for not caring about you?  If they are not in the room with you, how do you react?  What physically happens when you feel these feelings?  How do treat yourself when you think these thoughts?  Do we get frustrated?  Angry?  Shut down?  Do we eat?  Do we smoke?  Do we ultimately begin to see ourselves lacking because of this belief.

Question 4:  Who would you be without that thought?  What would the situation look like if nothing changed, except your one belief?  What is possible now?  

The next piece of The Work Byron Katie talks about is the TURNAROUND, this is where the Second transformation comes in:

Let’s take the example above, “he/she doesn’t care about me” and turn it around and ask:

How are we caring for ourselves?

INVITATION:  Listen to the self talk that comes up.  What other ways do you find that you don’t care about you?  How can I expect them to care about me when I don’t care about me? 

Please check out The Work!

The Happiness Chick

I saw this post on the Facebook group, “I Bet I Can Find 1,000,000 Happy People!” and just love this!

“WHAT ARE YOU TRANSMITTING?”

A Happy Tail To Tell…

Once upon a time there was a small, happy little dog who loved to wag his tail and be playful and adoring with others. This happy little dog heard about a wonderful house with lots of other doggies. He decided to visit.

The happy doggie found The House up on nearby hillside. He bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway and when he peeked inside he saw a bunch of other doggies.

The happy doggie’s ears instantly lifted high and his tail began to wag as fast as it could.

To his great surprise, the happy doggie found himself staring at 1000 other happy little doggies, each with their tails wagging just as fast as his.

He smiled a great big smile, and was answered with 1000 great big smiles – each just as warm and friendly as his.

As he left The House, the happy doggie thought: Wow! That was fun! What a wonderful place. I must come back and visit often!

Meanwhile, in this same village, there lived another little doggie, who was not quite as happy as the first one. In fact this doggie was often seen trudging around mournfully, hanging his tail low, growling at passerbys.

This mournful doggie also decided to visit The House on the hillside.

He slowly climbed the stairs and as he peered into the doorway, he hung his head low and protectively growled.

Inside he saw 1000 unfriendly looking dogs, each staring back at him. He growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him.

As he left, he thought: Wow! That is a horrible place. I will never go back there again!

Basically, wherever you go there you are, reflected in all you see around you.

The world is a world of mirrors.

The reflections you see in the faces of the people you meet are often a reflection of your mood and lens on the world.

Today if you feel the urge to growl at someone, think about that little growling doggie and what he received back.

Instead of growling, ask yourself: What would LOVE do in this moment?

Albert Einstein said: We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

I say: Most of the problems in your life were created by not being in a place of love energy – and instead being in a place of anger/hate/resentment energy. If you want to solve your problems, you must change your energy to a loving energy, and keep asking yourself: What would LOVE do in this moment?

And…if you consistently see growling angry MIRRORS around you, think about this tale of those wagging tails.

Force yourself to wag a bit more merrily at others.

Build up those tail wagging muscles, dammit, and you will see a change in all you see!

Right on Sister!!!

The Happiness Chick

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I was reading a post from one of my all time favorite thought leaders, Rhonda Britten of www.Fearlessliving.org and this portion stood out for me with regard to how we see and relate to others.  Seeing people as innocent and letting go of blame and judgment can help us speed up the process of aligning ourselves with Powerful Partners, thus immediately creating more joy and happiness in our lives!

<portion of Rhonda’s blog – for full article, click here>

“Now, I don’t mean the kind of innocence were responsibility is forgotten. Oh, no. Absolutely not. We must take responsibility for our actions, our thoughts and our intentions. As should others.

I am talking about the innocence of knowing we would choose higher, and so would others, if we had the skills, the tools and the awareness to do so. People are mean to feel a false sense of power. People get defensive to protect themselves. People shut-down so they don’t have to feel.

When we are willing to see the innocence in those actions, i.e. the individual before you is acting that way because they are afraid, we can give that person a bit of compassion, a tad of understanding while at the same time, have the skill and courage to put our boundaries in place and say ‘no’ to behaviors that aren’t okay. And, at the same time, see their innocence.

There is that fine line: standing up for ourselves and seeing the innocence. Both of those things can exist at the same time but most folks, out of confusion and misunderstanding, do one or the other.

They either put a boundary in place and are unforgiving and blame, blame, blame. Or they have compassion for the other but forget to take care of themselves and say ‘no’ when appropriate.

Ask yourself: who are you keeping out of your life because you are afraid to see their innocence and who are you keeping in your life because you are afraid to stand up for yourself? “

Wow!  These are powerful questions!  Where are you today with this?

The Happiness Chick

Lately, I’ve been asked alot about networking and how to make networking a fun and enriching experience. 

Here are The Laws of Networking according to The Happiness Chick!

• Join groups that support and enrich your target market.  This allows you to be exposed to those who are already serving your potential customers, offering you a great potential referral network.
• Do not attempt to sell or solicit your products/service to those you network with.   Networking is relationship and referral building experience.  No one wants to be “sold” to.
• Be genuinely interested in other people’s vision and how you can help them get there. 
• Be committed to helping the people you network with grow their business.
• Pay it forward – be willing to give and help other’s before you expect other’s to send referrals or business your way.
• Consistently show up to events.  People trust consistency and when they see you present for 6 months or more at the same events, they will gain the perception, you can be trusted to honor commitments.
• Be of your word.  If you are unable to follow through on a commitment, be honest in your communication, do not use excuses.  People respect honesty, even if it’s bad news.
• Understand what a commitment is = ANYTHING YOU SAY YOU WILL DO.  People won’t tell you, but if you say you will reach out and you don’t, people WILL notice, even if they understand you are busy, over time, this will chip away at their trust and they will not refer business to you.
• Don’t compete for business or referral partners.   Be authentic in all you do and you will attract, like a magnet, Powerful Referral Partners and New Business.   Don’t forget, there IS MAGIC in the UNIQUENESS you bring to the marketplace. 
• Align with ONLY those who BELIEVE IN  YOUR VISION.  Do not align with people just because they are well-connected.  This creates a false and unfulfilling relationship, often resulting in lost referrals or future business.
• Do not sound like a commercial, when giving your 1 minute commercial.  Give the people you are connecting with an education on who to refer to you.  Create your 1 minute commercial around the results your clients have with your service/products.  Example:  I work with people who have had a problem with procrastination in the past and are now living lives of purpose and results.  I work with overachievers who were never happy with anything and are now living peaceful and fulfilled.

I hope this helps!  Would love to hear any other tips for networking that you have learned and how you have created YOUR Referral Partners.

So let’s spend tonight talking about frustrations.  Let’s start by calling them out, what are the most common frustrations?

• People won’t do things the way I want.
• People don’t communicate they way I would like.
• I don’t have enough money to do what I want in my life.
• People only care about themselves, they don’t care about others.
• I don’t have enough time to get everything done.
• People aren’t loyal to one another.
• You can’t trust the government. <threw that in to see if you were awake!!>
• Life is hard.

Ok, so what do we do with this stuff!  How do we manage our frustrations?  I’ve read some great articles and books over the years about physical activity, verbalizing, psychology, behavioral management, and so on and so on…blah, blah, blah…Here’s a process that has worked over and over that I’d like to share. 

• Identify my frustration for what it is, being brutally honest with myself.
• If necessary, take a little break, removing myself from the immediate frustration, allowing me time to get clear and cool my nerves.
• Pray.
• Talk to trusted and supportive “venting partners”.
• Take accountability for any part I’ve played in my own frustration.
• Take positive and collaborative action toward resolution of the frustration.

Inside this “taking positive and collaborative action” there is power and inspiration. 

Some us get “stuck” in the discussing of the frustrations only to find ourselves more frustrated.  Or even worst, we pick the WRONG venting partner only to be more frustrated by their need to fix, not allowing us the process of working it out for ourselves. 

The important part of the process above for me are the “selecting the appropriate venting partner” and “take positive and collaborative action”. 

Let me define what these are:

Appropriate Venting Partners:  those who you can “vent” to without them attempting to fix, agree, judge, or feed the rant.  Someone who allows you to work it out inside yourself, giving you their feedback, only when asked and only in areas that allow you to come up with a positive and collaborative solution.

“Positive and Collaborative Resolution”:  Actions that produce growth or fulfillment for ourselves and others.  Coming up with solutions that enhance relationships and trust.  Just by adding the “collaboration” piece, allows us to remove the self-serving and judgmentalness out of our frustration, allowing us the opportunity to be more creative with our actions and our dealings with others.

Would love to hear any processes or things you do to alleviate your frustrations and keep you focuses and inspired!